Aaaaargh!
I’ve had a lot of that recently.
Last month was an anniversary I thought would never happen
to me.
One year and counting I have been taking medication.
For someone who never even liked taking painkillers the
idea that I would accept medication was just not something I thought would
happen to me.
I don’t like it and I want to come off it, but I have this niggling
feeling of the consequences if stop it. I keep saying to myself “let’s get the
next few weeks away and then visit the GP and talk about coming off the
medication.”
But of course there is no respite or end to stress for me and
that of my members and friends and family.
We are all literally digesting the brutality of austerity
and its impact on all of us is devastating.
My plan is to see the GP after 8 June after Jeremy is
elected Prime Minister, BUT, what if that doesn’t happen?
I try not to think about that.
I want an end to the pain and suffering that just seems to
keep coming. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning. In the “coal face” austerity
is literally killing people. The stress levels of those coming for support to
our union office is off the scale. I try like all of you to be positive, offer
support and solidarity. But the sheer volume is at times overwhelming.
It is at these times, ‘He returns’.
Always hanging in the background waiting for moments of weakness,
whether it be tiredness or stress.
‘He’ is quick to wrap his arms around me and start pushing
down on my shoulders, increasing the tension in my neck which travels quickly
to the back of my eyes.
‘He’ senses an opportunity to drop in negative thoughts, at
first they are like short subliminal messages, but each one increases in duration
until I find myself stuck in a loop of negativity.
Who is ‘He?’
‘He’ is depression.
My instinct is always to fight, as many others do when
facing depression. My past coping strategy has been to work until I drop with
tiredness which brings me sleep and some respite.
But I know this coping strategy does not work and is
destructive to me and to those around me.
Talking to others and listening to others has been a
release.
One of my concerns about divulging my mental health issues
was that it would make others wary of me, or that others would somehow think I
am not able to cope or be able to support others.
I don’t think that is right.
So many people are talking to me about their experiences it
has opened up another world for me.
For me if you are struggling find a support group or
contact Disabled People Against Cuts (DPAC), they have so much knowledge and
solidarity, I can find words that express my admiration for them. They take our
pain straight into the back yard of the politicians and national media. For
that I owe them a debt of gratitude.
That is why I am glad we have events like Mental Health
Awareness week.
It isn’t a fix to the stigma and discrimination that people
have to deal with, but it is an opportunity for us all to talk to others and
that is not a bad thing in my book.
Solidarity to you all out there and good mental health.
John
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