My Mental Health: "Is it me or is it you, or is it both of us?"

Stigma. As a mental health social worker I have had plenty of experience of trying to support people with mental health problems and particularly dealing with stigma and discrimination.

Now I’ve gone public, it has been a real eye opener observing how others are relating to me or so I think.

But then that is the problem and the title of this post; “Is it me or is it you, or is it both of us?” reflects the ongoing dialogue I am having with myself these days.

My message to those around me near and far is “I am ok.”

Don’t feel sorry for me.

Don’t feel responsible for me.

Treat me as you did before.

My breakdown was a long time coming and not a product of something that happened recently in my life.

We are all trying to live our lives the best we can and I am no different.

My mental health just became unsustainable with all that was and is going on in my life.

As a good friend and a person I respect a lot said, I “simply run out of petrol, and my engine was trying to work on fumes.”

If I was a car I could simply get a new engine or ditch the car and buy a new one.

But the mind is not a car, it’s more complex.

But with help, support I’ve been able to re-build and try to learn and develop better coping strategies.

I have lots of comrades out there old and new whom I respect and from whom I get great comfort and solidarity.

I recognise that even with support sometimes I am going to have some sort of relapse and I just hope I am able to cope.

If I can’t, so be it.

But I am ok.

I can make decisions and I can take the stress that comes with organising.

Organising is in my blood.

It’s taken me such a long time to realise organising is part of my DNA and that is ok, as long as a try to find “me time”.

Ironically, for the last decade whilst fighting mass outsourcing in our community I would repeat my warnings to activists to be aware of “burn out”, “take care of your mental health”, “take breaks”, all of which has, in a nice way, fed back to me from the same comrades.  

It some ways I think I am stronger, that may sound strange but I have a sense of freedom now.

I know I am a target.

They know that I know, if that doesn’t sound odd.

I am ok.

I’ve a lifetime of organising in the public, voluntary and private sector. When I was 23 I organised a load of Travel Courier’s for a famous travel company. We were on zero hour’s contracts before they were called that, no annual leave, no sickness entitlements, we organised and won contracts with guaranteed hours & entitlements. It was very cloak and dagger, we didn’t have a union to help, we were grassroots low paid workers organising ourselves.

I’ve tried to walk away from organising, but as a friend of mine said once “Just when I thought I was out they pulled me back in!”

Whatever is coming I am ready, the work still keeps coming in sometimes it feels never ending even overwhelming but I am part of a great team of reps and staff, and that is all you need sometimes.

So, if it is me, I’m sorry.

If it isn’t, then all I can ask is treat me as you always did, I am the same John perhaps a little ragged, a little older and wiser and just perhaps a little stronger.

Solidarity.

John 

Disability Workplace Scenario:What would you do?

In a workplace I know there is a regular meeting held in a room.

The room for one of the workers is inaccessible because of their disability.

Several colleagues have raised the accessibility issue with the employer, but the meetings continue to be held in the same room.

Some of the workers colleagues refuse to attend the meeting in the room with the employer and sit in solidarity with the worker with the disability, a electronic link is provided in the room, but it does not allow those not in the room to fully participate in the meetings.

My question to grassroots trade unions members is what would you do?

1. Sit in solidarity with the worker and apply pressure on the employer to move to a fully accessible room.

2. Ask the employer to move to a more accessible room but continue to sit in the room with the employer.

3. Just sit in the room with the employer and do nothing.

I know what I would do, but interested in what others think is right.

My fight with self harm, medication

Finding "me time" was something my counsellor kept asking me in the 30 plus sessions we had. I'd agree and promise myself to make time, just as I advise other activists to do in order they look after themselves. 

It's still a challenge finding time, it's hard  turning off, but now I know my limitations and the risks if I don't. 

The other week I woke up and experienced a strange feeling. It's hard to explain but I felt free, what was it that made feel this? I suddenly realised it had been a while since I had thoughts of self harm. I hadn't noticed, the nearest similar feeling is when you are grieving and suddenly you realise the pain is less and you feel guilty. I'm probably not explaining myself, but for a while it was liberating. 

Negative feelings and thoughts are not only depressing they drain energy and attack your ability to remain positive. It has been a struggle I've battled for many years but at least now I feel I'm more honest about myself. 

Today I was checking some emails and it was a year ago I when had my mental health breakdown. 

A year of my life, what a lot has happened. 

Since I first went public about my mental health I've spoken to so many people who have disclosed their own personal demons. We talk compare notes, discuss treatments such as counselling and medication. The more I talk to others the more I'm convinced the well know phrase "1 in 4 " people experience mental health problems is probably more like "2 in 4".  

Stigma, is still a big concern, whilst I was aware of it for others it wasn't until I went public that I experienced some pretty nasty and prejudicial comments from people I'd not expect. But that is life, my friends and comrades in DPAC expose on a daily basis the level of hate crime and institutional discrimination in the workplace and our communities. 

Challenging prejudice is  part of my daily life and it looks like it's getting worse. Austerity is still being promoted. It's brutality will continue to unleashed unless we all manage to sort ourselves out. 

I do have hope and belief that with hard work and an end to sectarianism grassroots can mobilise a sustainable opposition to Austerity. 

My next personal challenge is medication. I want to come off it, I hate taking the stuff, but I know I'll have to prepare a plan. This is a big deal for me, so I want to get it right. 

To my friends and comrades don't worry about me. I keeping busy, learning each day how to cope and how to better deal with those powerful negative self harming thoughts when they do come in waves. 

Anyway enough of that,  it's depot Wednesday another early start. 

Wishing you all good mental health 

Solidarity 

John 

Scream 2 - No not the movie "Derby TAs"'

Earlier this week I wrote about my anger & frustration at hearing the personal stories of the Derby TAs at our AGM. 

Last night we had some more Derby TAs speak at Barnet Trades Council AGM. 

We heard another heartbreaking account of the brutal savagery of the 25% pay cut by Labour controlled Derby City Council. Like many others I have read about the Derby TAs on social media, watched some excellent film footage by Reel News, but nothing quite prepares you for when you meet and hear their harrowing stories. The pay cut is literally destroying their lives. The knock impact on their personal lives family and friends is devastating and cruel. 

I felt ashamed on Tuesday at our AGM and again last night at our Barnet Trades Council AGM. 

I'm in the Labour Party and the targeted cruelty is completely unacceptable. I have a little experience of negotiations, which can be difficult and at times intimidating but the all out confrontational bullying being adopted by the Leader of the Labour Party in Derby is bringing the reputation of the Labour Party into disrepute.

He should be removed immediately. 

So there we have it. 

Brutal austerity attacks on low paid female staff imposed not by a right wing Tory Council but a right wing Labour Council. 

Something has to be done and it is beholden to all Labour Party members to condemn Derby City Council by saying publicly "Not in our name".

We all need to discuss Derby TAs in our local Labour Party meetings, trade union meetings and send messages of support to Derby City UNISON and email the Leader of Derby City Council. 

In the meantime Derby need help. 

They need: 

1. Help to build a national profile in the media and to other grassroots workers. 

2. Financial help. 

3. National rally in Derby, if they call it, we need to turn up with "banners held high"

4. Labour Party members to put pressure on Derby City Council.

I've lost my voice so my screaming is not as loud as it could be but I am

ANGRY and so should all of us at this disgraceful attack. 

I've organised workers for over 30 years, we cannot let this brutal attack succeed, the future of trade unionism hangs in the balance. I believe we can win but we all have to get "stuck in"

Solidarity Derby TAs, hope to see some of you in Durham Rally on 25 March. 

John Burgess a very very angry Labour Party member and grassroots unison rep. 

Derby Teaching Assistants- Why I'm furious & you should be to

I am so bloody angry I could scream in fact I am screaming.

Today we had our Barnet UNISON AGM and we had a delegation of Derby Teaching Assistants to speak about the devastating 25% cut imposed on 2,700 low paid school workers by Labour run Derby City Council.

The first speaker started off well but when she started to describe what the cut is doing to her and her families lives she was in tears.

She is losing £400 a month.

She is working 50 hours a week for less pay.

The Council has £186 million in reserves.

They were all sacked and re-engaged.

We all told her her she was brave and there was nothing wrong crying. Indeed many of us were in tears and some of us were seething with anger.

This is not a right wing Tory Council this is a Labour Council in a Labour heartland.

Does this heartbreaking story sound familiar?

It should because in another Labour heartland Labour run Durham County Council are doing the same thing!

25% pay cut.

Jeremy has tried to speak to both Labour Leaders, but they persist in this inhumane cruel decision that is destroying lives of low paid female workers.

This is not the vision of a Labour government under Jeremy Corbyn, it is the politics of the right wing of Labour. If you don't believe me ask the Former Care UK 90 Day  Strikers about the lack of support from Labour MPs for their campaign.

The Labour Party is the biggest political party in Western Europe yet still grassroots are not being heard.

I fear that if grassroots members and potential Labour voters continue to suffer under Labour controlled Councils then it will become impossible to win a general election.

But back to the Derby TAs.

They are now on indefinite strike action. They need donations and messages of support. Please seek them out and do what you can.

We can not let such a devastating attack on workers go without a fight.

We had a bucket donation and have sent several donations.

I look forward to seeing them again.

Our branch gave them a standing ovation.

Solidarity to Derby TAs

#27FEB - SUPPORT GRASSROOTS BROMLEY LIBRARIES CAMPAIGN

The campaign to stop the privatisation of Bromley Libraries is now focussing on Carillion who are bidding to run the Library Service. 

This follows the victory that stopped the Council handing libraries over to volunteers and replacing professional, paid, public service workers jobs.

Carillion is a company found guilty of blacklisting workers, it has been implicated in the appalling treatment of migrant workers in Qatar, was fined over the death of a rail worker and has been criticised for poor hygiene standards where it has NHS contracts.

The Bromley campaign has organised a leafletting outside the companies offices off Regent Street.

We are asking for assistance with handing out leaflets in what will be the first of a series of regular actions aimed at the company.

Carillion Leaflet Session – 27th February, 10 am to 12 noon at 25 Maddox St, London, W1S 2QN

For further information about either campaign please contact me at onay.kasab@unitetheunion.org

Hate Crime - Why I reported it to the Police

Yesterday, I registered a hate crime directed at me.

I registered the hate crime because on Thursday 9 February, 2017 I received an unsolicited email from someone I do not know and who claimed to be supporting me.

It is a sickening email. I have shared it with some close friends.

Because of the serious nature of the allegations I have responded back to the sender asking for their contact details so that I can speak with them. In my opinion if the allegations were true there would be serious ramifications for the trade union movement.

Any reasonable person after receiving such a shocking email and having been unable to elicit a response from the sender could only come to one conclusion; that the sender was attempting to bully and intimidate me into silence.

Firstly, I want to reassure my friends that I am ok. If I had received this email a year ago I am not sure how I would have responded and it could have been very serious.

But I have been back at work for over five months. Life is never straightforward in Barnet, so I am having to operate with all the energy I have to keep my focus which is always to my members and the community we serve.

I sought the opinions of some close friends and the consensus was that the purpose of the email was to try and destabilise me, silence me and undermine my mental health so that I do not trust my comrades.

However, the sender and or the others behind this attack fail to recognise that I belong to a tight community and I also have friends outside of Barnet. I am also an organiser. It is in my blood and when someone picks on someone I can’t look away. I am not a spectator, I have to offer my help and dealing with bullies has for me been a fight that never goes away, no matter what it means to me personally.

Well, I thought about what I should do.

“Ignore it”, was a common response.

But, what about the others the sender also bullies, how can I just let this go?

I quickly decided I can’t and so I decided the first step was to register it as a hate crime with the police.

I have provided the police with the email and the email address.

I have tried to find the identity by looking up the IP address which led me to an address in California, it is an @icloud.com email address.

However, if you know someone who knows how to trace an email please let me know.

Here is an extract from the email:

“Attended the left mtg last night - debate about gen sec election where your so called comrades tore you apart

Comments like he's a fucking liability,he s a total nut job and he's lost the fucking plot with no one challenging them.they laughed at all your ranting a and postings ..and spoke about men in white coats appalling stuff

They said you were the worst candidate ever fielded and you are a spineless chicken especially writing grovelling apologies all the time.using words like nut case,loony etc

I have never heard such nasty language about a comrade esp their mental state.”

I don’t believe such a meeting took place. As I said earlier this was an attempt to try and bully someone who is known to have had a serious mental health breakdown. 

Now it is true that I made a decision to go public about my own battle with my mental health, which I didn’t take lightly but I felt that it was one thing to tell others to share their experiences and another to keep mine to myself. It was scary decision, but I have had nothing but positive feedback from hundreds of people, some I know, our members and others who have just read some of my blog posts about my mental health issues.

This is not the first time I have been subject to threats and probably won’t be my last. I also had threatening emails and smears whilst I stood as a candidate in the UNISON General Secretary elections.

I have been the target of two hate crimes which resulted in damage to my car, one of the attacks took place less than 5 metres from my front door.

Back then I took a decision to go public, to say I would not be intimidated or bullied into silence.

Both the local press, my employer and other trade unionists rallied round by signing a message of solidarity. John McDonnell, Jeremy Corbyn along with a number of high profile trade union leaders added their names see link here:

Defend our UNISON rep – Letter to Editor

http://bit.ly/2kHwPTQ

Local press covered it here:

'We won't let the bullies intimidate us' - union rep in hate attack

http://bit.ly/2lDLxJu

 “Union condemns hate crime as rep's car is vandalised”

http://bit.ly/2l8wXwl

 “F*cking union faggot” – UNISON activist targeted in hate crime

http://bit.ly/2kzoeQQ

My message to the sender.

I will not be silenced I will not be bullied, I will not allow you to push me into the shadows.

I will not be backing down from standing up for what I believe in.

Whatever you thought you would achieve by sending that email has back-fired.

This matter is not at an end, it is only just beginning.